


Waiting

by Whizzer_going_down_to_Florida



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: A little fluff in the beginning, Angst, I cried while writing this, Lota of it, Lots of tears, M/M, aids/hiv
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 08:44:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17280842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whizzer_going_down_to_Florida/pseuds/Whizzer_going_down_to_Florida
Summary: Marvin watched as Whizzer went through certain stages. Watching painfully as his emotions shifted throughout his final weeks.





	Waiting

The hardest part for Marvin was seeing the pain Whizzer went through.

 

Whizzer was always great at hiding his pain but Marvin could read him like a book.

He wished he couldn’t. He wished he could pretend that the strong face and warm smile that Whizzer put on was real. He wished he could pretend Whizzer hadn’t suffered.

Marvin watched as Whizzer went through certain stages. Watching painfully as his emotions shifted throughout his final weeks.

There were days when Whizzer almost seemed truly happy. 

 

_ Marvin crouched by the bed, grasping Whizzer’s hand softly. The rest of the family stood around the bed forcing casual small talk. Before, they would have both hated how trivial the topics were and how awkward the conversation flowed, but now, it seemed nothing but peaceful. _

_ Whizzer wore a faint smile. Just subtle enough to be truly sincere. Marvin held the back of Whizzer’s hand to his forehead, he closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders.  _

_ Whizzer pulled his hand out of Marvin’s and gently brushed the hair out of Marvin’s face. He melted, savoring every touch from the man he  _ **_loved._ **

_ He watched as the younger man’s face lit up ever so slightly whenever Mendel or Cordelia made a dump joke. He would roll his eyes but smile at their attempt to lighten things up in the grey hospital room.  _

_ Whizzer would turn to Marvin every so often and they would just stare. Staring softly into each other’s eyes, and he would feel like they were the only ones in the room. Marvin was happy to be with the family and he knew Whizzer enjoyed the company but no one could capture his attention or stop his heart like his lover could.  _

* * *

* * *

But there were days when he was eerily melancholy, almost cold, incredibly detached and distant.

 

_ “Hey Marvin.” Whizzer said, not looking at Marvin, his eyes fixated on the wall in front of him. _

_ “Delia told be to give you this.” He smiled and handed him a tupperware dish filled with unknown contents.”I’m not sure what it is, or if it’s edible, but at least vouch for me that I gave it to you.” He winked and pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed. Whizzer just nodded and kept staring at the wall. “Are you okay Whiz?” He said, concern quickly seeping into his voice. _

_ Whizzer finally looked at him, as if snapped out of a trance. “Yeah, I’m fine.” His voice flat, etched with the tiniest bit of fake happiness. It wasn’t enough to fool Marvin. It wasn't enough to fool anyone really.  _

_ “Whizzer,” Marvin furled his eyebrows “please talk to me.” He reached for Whizzer’s hand but he yanked it away. _

_ “I’m fine Marvin. There’s nothing to talk about.” Nothing could be less true. _

_ Marvin leaned back in his chair “Did Charlotte come talk to you?” He spoke softly trying to keep his voice from cracking. Whizzer nodded again. “W-What did she say?” He placed a hand on the bed, supporting himself and getting closer to Whizzer.  _

_ “Nothing new.” He shook his head.”She just took my vitals and tried to cheer me up.” He laughed sadly. “She has this look in her eyes, Marvin.” He looked at the ground. “She was clearly trying to be professional, but she looked so broken.” _

_ “Whizzer-“ Marvin started but wasn’t sure how to continue. _

_ “I’m tired of the everyone looking so…” he paused as if looking for a word “shattered, because I know that I broke them, and I’m not going to be there to help pick up the pieces.” He rolled away from Marvin. “There’ll Just be a whole inside them.” He closed his eyes. “A whole in you.” _

_ “Whizzer,” Marvin’s eyes stung “don’t you ever think that. You healed me, baby, I was broken and you put me back together.” _

_ He could hear Whizzer take a deep breath. “I’m tired Marvin. Go home, please.” _

* * *

* * *

Then there were the days where he looked utterly defeated. The days that cut Marvin like a knife. The days where he did everything he could to comfort him.

 

_ “Oh my god.” Whizzer whispered, tears began to roll down his cheeks. Marvin placed a hand on Whizzer’s shoulder. “Oh my god!” He said again, much louder. _

_ “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that.” His voice cracked, tears welling up in his own eyes. _

_ “I’m killing you. I killed you.” His voice cracked as he spoke, tears pouring heavily down his face. _

_ “Whizzer, don’t say that.” _

_ “It’s the truth!” He shrieked. “All of this, it’s all my fault and now I’ve ruined you, and your family.” His eyes widened. “And Jason, oh god Jason. What is he going to do without you, without me? when we’re gone.” Whizzer fought to catch his breath, soon erupting into a fit of coughing and wheezing. Marvin helped him sit up and breath. _

_ He rubbed his back and gripped his lovers arm. “Baby, please, try and calm down. None of this is your fault. Things just…” he took a deep breath “things just happen. Don’t you dare, blame yourself for this.” He held Whizzer until he could breath almost normally again, laying him back down on the bed. Whizzer nodded, still crying, and too tired to respond. “Now move over.” _

_ Whizzer made room for Marvin, and laid down next to him. He scooted closer, putting their foreheads together. Whizzer tucked his head into the crook of Marvin’s neck and sobbed into his shoulder. “I-I’m so sorry.” He choked out the words. _

_ Marvin ribbed his back, crying heavily himself.”Sh sh shhh, you have no reason to be.” He look down at Whizzer. He was so skinny, he was so frail he feared if he moved his might hurt him. His skin was so pale. He lost more of his warmth with each passing day and Marvin carefully examined each change. _

_ “I love you.” He heard him whisper into his neck. _

_ “I love you too.” Marvin could feel Whizzer shake, his whole body racking with each sob. He watched as his own tears dripped onto Whizzer’s scrubs. He couldn’t hold it back any longer, he tried to hide it the best he could from the man curled up beside him but he let out a few croaked noises in despair. He wasn’t sure how he could cope without him. _

_ But for now, he just had to be there. _

But the worst was when he was no longer able to watch Whizzer’s emotions. When there was no Whizzer to watch. When it was just empty, cold, and broken. There was no one to hold or console. He could only be alone…

Waiting.


End file.
